Playground Politikz

Procrastination is an art that requires a lot of patience to master. It’s lucky that there’s enough time available to do this. I’ve said many a time in the past that when you lock yourself away and don’t speak, your true personality comes out more than if you’d run out onto the street and pushed over a granny. Although it can be boring to not do anything all day, it allows your mind to empty and allows reflection. It’s kind of what you should be doing when you go to bed, but you’re too busy sleeping to be doing that.

I was put through to a link today on the interwebbles that listed the top however many countries that count officially as “failed states”. Countries and regions of continents all over the world that do not work financially or morally as part of the system. Countries such as Iran, Congo, Nigeria and other remote bits of the world that have been pushed under the carpet were all there, with a comparatively professional photograph that illustrated the problems they faced. Famine and war and floods and earthquakes and poverty and economic downturns that have lasted longer than your great-grandad cares to remember. Or if he has Alzheimer’s, how much he can remember. It’s very much like a school classroom full of countries all bickering and getting told off by that UN bitch temporary teacher. USA is sat at the back, the dirty chav he is, picking his nose and flicking it at Britain the poodle, the pretentious twat who dares put “Great” before his name. India is sat at the front, studiously getting on with his work and progressing all nice with his maths and literature. She’s no doubt reading Lord of the Flies or some other great work of fiction ruined by the constant need to analyze and discuss themes. And Germany is still sulking over by the radiator gazing out the window, reminiscing about those times when him and his gang very nearly dominated the classroom with nothing more than a marker pen under their noses and an inverted Hindu symbol nicked from R.E.

Nowawawadays, these arguably are countries that would be considered “functioning”. If this ridiculous classroom metaphor were to linger beyond its welcome, they would be the “passing” countries. The A-grades, B-grades and lazy C-grades who bribed their way through. For other countries to “fail” as states therefore seems slightly odd. There is more than enough food and water to feed the poor and starving countries, yet they are still having their dinner money nicked off them by that twat North Korea – the guy with LMS - Little Man Syndrome. He wants to make loads of rockets and fire them at people “for the lolz”, but for the meantime is content with simply going “NYEERRRR!” and firing paper pellets instead. They still bloody hurt.

I realized looking at this website that if the world was just a glorified (or simplified) classroom, what a crap bunch they’d be. No work would get done. Everybody would be trying to score drugs off Afghanistan, who’s still managing to blag that them poppies he nicked from Iraq’s mother’s front garden have some kind of opiate effect to them. The GCSE results would be rubbish and the climate change results through the floor. Or sky high if you want to make a crap pun. So for there to be a website pointing the finger at countries that are “failing” maybe isn’t right, because realistically nobody’s doing that great. No country (except for maybe Switzerland, who have the right idea about holding all the money) are doing overly well, and it’s a tragically depressing sight to behold. Especially when you’re spending a whole day procrastinating over it.