Top Gun Top Trumps

It is my last "outing" on Monday before I head back to university to begin my second year as a trainee journalist. I prefer saying I'm an "apprentice". It sounds cooler, and makes it sound like the course is more mysterious and elusive than it actually is. Like it's hidden in the Asian mountains surrounded in mist and wonder, with all our lecturers wearing nothing but a flimsy gown and all having thin, wispy beards. Even the women. It's not quite like that, but I won't comment on the female facial hair.

The decided theme is Top Gun, a brilliantly written, directed and performed film starring a young and equally cocky Tom Cruise. He is the height of what every man wants to be - completely arrogant and full of themselves. Some men assume this role more than others, and if Tom Cruise wasn't 4ft 9 (cute) and disgustingly good looking that would have been the end of his career. Fortunately it wasn't and Tom Cruise has, to his eternal credit, gone on to star in many brilliant, mind-blowing and deeply enthralling similar films to Top Gun. He still maintains he's not type-cast. I'll believe that once he proves the scientologist theories. Myself and a few others wanted to end the summer dressed as characters from Scooby Doo. Instantly recognisable and defining of many people's childhood, we planned to bounce around in saturated colours and cravats, pointing at inanimate objects and declaring them as clues, all in the name of solving crime. Which isn't hard to find in Southend. The idea fell through mainly because there were more of us than there were characters, and nobody was up for widening the lense and going as a mud monster. The friend nominated to go as Scooby Doo also wasn't too keen on being seen anywhere in public dressed like THAT, so Top Gun won us over. An excuse to wear aviators and military shirts, look absurdly chilled out and suave whilst cruising along with the confidence of Mr. Cruise himself. We haven't worked out how we're going to see in a nightclub with sunglasses on. But we'll look cool. That's all that matters.

Didn't long ago get back from getting all the gear we needed for the final outfit. Luckily I already own a pair of aviators, a dogtag and some khaki trousers so all I needed to buy was a patch that said "US Air Force" or something similar. My friend, who's idea Top Gun was, got a little over-zealous with the insignia and bought loads of army and Air Force badges to sew on. He's going to look like a patchwork quilt.

I'll let you know how we get on, and if I'm still drunk the next morning I may even be stupid enough to post some photos online. You can't burn pixel evidence.